we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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