Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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