i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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