Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
