he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
