There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
