Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
