Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the condom got lost in my hair
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
