dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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