Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
