My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
