words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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