Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.