Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.