found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.