New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future