haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.