I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.