I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.