No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
