dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
there is glitter all over my balls
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
