Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
