suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i dont even know how to be here
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my poor anus
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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