Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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