I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
