I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
