i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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