she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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