im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
