Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
