Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
