i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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