My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
