I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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