omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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