I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
