hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
