I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
