just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
