Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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