; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
