Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
