Don't you send me to vm
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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