he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
