Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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