Already got asked if we're dating
He felt like a one man threesome
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
