you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
