Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
