I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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