Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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