Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
