Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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