dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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