My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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