Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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