A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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