you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
