I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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