Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
