guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
