worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
