Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
