god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
