can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
