the condom got lost in my hair
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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