Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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