At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize