i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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