i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
