I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
