Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
