whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
