Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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