Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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