Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
