Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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