I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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