she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
