broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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