I think I just saw someone hide a body.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
