you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Actions speak louder than pants.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
