Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
