so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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