yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
