margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
