so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
